BoardingPOV

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Dad:

So I promised a “what you can do while waiting for your decision letters”, and I will say a few words on that in a moment. But first, I wanted to tell you about an unanticipated side effect of sending a daughter off to boarding school…

O.K., so she’s not really crazy.  Michelle’s aunt is a lovely, warm mom to two equally fun boys that grew up nearly inseparable from our daughter.  So, its perfectly understandable then, when we sent our daughter off to boarding school in the fall, that her boys missed Michelle terribly…  And they resented her for going away.  Aunt Liz loved Michelle also – like her own daughter – and resented us sending her away to the northeast and effectively taking her away from her children too.

So, I’M JUST SAYING, it seemed a little crazy to us, when last week Michelle tried to call her aunt to say “hello – I miss you, and am excited about seeing everyone soon, during spring break”. Well, that’s what Michelle was planning on saying, but instead what she heard on the other end of the phone was something like: ring, ring…click(pick up), and click(hang up)…  Really? Maybe it was a bad connection.  Try again: ring…click(pick up), and click(hang up)…

O.K. now the message is clear: Aunt Liz doesn’t want to talk to you, Michelle.  She’s still angry for Michelle leaving for a boarding school. And dare I say, leaving her own two boys behind – going to one of the finest local private high schools – but the one that we rejected as being sub-optimal.  Not sub-standard, mind you – many parents love that school – just not what Michelle wanted.  But nonetheless, you can certainly see a possible consequence of sending your daughter away to boarding school, and leaving some family behind.  Resentment, loss of family connection.

BACK IT UP, Crazy aunt!  I certainly can understand the feelings that you must have. But as grown-up adults, I expected more – ah, ADULT-NESS! (I know that’s not a word – but it should be!). Be happy that your niece has the opportunity that boarding school presents for her.  Be happy that your own two boys have a well-respected local  school option that suits them well – schools don’t define people – your kids may very well turn out to be the Neurosurgeon in the family.  And, be happy that you didn’t have to suffer the pain and doubts of our family as we send our daughter 2000 heart-rending miles away!

Needless to say, a young teen Michelle, feels hurt.  She hasn’t stopped loving her Aunt and cousins.  Sure, she has new friends that she’s included in her life now.  But, be sure that Michelle is absolutely VIBRATING with excitement about coming home in a couple of weeks, and jumping into the arms of her cousins and extended family.

Our advice to Michelle?  This is part of growing up.  Don’t respond tit-for-tat with the silent treatment for Auntie.  Just realize that this is hard for them too, love them when you can, try not to talk about your exciting boarding school life too much, until asked, and make sure you ask THEM all about their lives, challenges and disappointments.  Focus on making THEM feel like they are loved and missed – and I’m fairly certain that they will loosen up, open up, and perhaps wonder a little bit about what has made you such a wonderful, well-balanced, young woman (cough, as much as a 15-year-old is capable of, cough).

Well— there you have it— one drawback to boarding school: possible emotional reactions from extended family.  FOREWARNED!

Now,  “what you can do while waiting for your decision letters”?…

Students, keep working HARD at school (I kid you not). Perhaps it goes without saying, but it certainly is not unheard of that an admissions officer could call your school and have a conversation with a school principal or guidance counselor before deciding to send your admit letter.  And, even later, almost all of them explicitly say in the acceptance letter, that “acceptance can be withdrawn based on final semester grades at your current school” — so, you’ll want to keep up the hard work.

Parents, if you’re hoping for any financial aid, you’ll have completed your Parents Financial Statement (PFS), by now.  And, quite possibly, have completed your taxes for this year – or at least provided a good estimate.  Look for the School and Student Service for Financial Aid (SSS) website for the “Estimated Family Contribution” that they will be providing to the schools.  Remember that it’s the school that HAS the financial aid, and thus the ones who make the ultimate decision.  The Estimated Family Contribution then, is just a starting point for discussion.

Consider, if it’s important to you, sending a preemptive letter to the school outlining your unique personal family situation that makes the SSS recommendation “wrong”.  It worked for us – but remember to be polite, not demanding, and consider well that asking for financial aid CAN make your application somewhat less appealing to the school.  But, if you have confidence that your student applicant is likely highly desired by the schools (see “Five Reasons to Admit”), and if lack of sufficient financial aid is a “deal-breaker”, then I highly recommend starting a dialog with the admissions/financial aid people early on – before they divide up the available financial aid monies.

Crazy Aunts, and a couple of tips for your few remaining anxious weeks before decision letters!   Good luck, and write comments if you can, on how you’re feeling, and any fun “Crazy Aunt” stories you’d like to share with readers!  Oh, parents, did I happen to mention that you have to re-apply for financial aid every year?  Well, you do, and we did again too this year – so perhaps it’s why it’s top-of-mind for us too.  More to come on this topic, for sure.

You’ll be fabulously excited soon – have fun, and TRY TO RELAX!