BoardingPOV

Dad:

I think Michelle thought it was a trap. “Your readers have been listening to you now for almost a year, talking about the boarding school application/admissions process – now they probably want to know what it’s REALLY like to live in that sort of environment”… “Maybe you should write about DATING this time”?

Woop! Woop! Parent alert!  Or, at least that’s what I imagine she’s thinking. “Ah, sure dad” is what she says…

But honestly, my motives are pure – I just imagine you readers would like to hear more about things like boys and relationships, maybe about friendships gone awry, the things that can be complicated in a live-in community.   What do you think?  Now that you 8th grade readers have made it into boarding school, starting in the fall, are you interested in what it’s like to live there?  Parent readers, are you interested in what really goes on at a boarding school?

On the subject of boys and girls, I’m a realist – I know, everyone knows, that  high school is where people “try on” relationships and in rare cases people in high school end up getting married.  That’s O.K.  But like most parents, EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING screams “NOT YET!”.  I remember too well Michelle when she was much, much younger – and it seems like they grow up so fast!  (How many times has that been said in the history of parents and their kids? Yes, I know it’s lame!)

Oh, having been through high school myself, I recognize that any single relationship is unlikely to last for 4 years – but if it does, that’s O.K. too.  Michelle’s mom and I met it college – after all, we were pretty young too – if you count mid-twenties as young.

I remember meeting with another family, about this time of year, last year – and the other parents (of a junior at the same school) were telling us about their daughter’s friends and how we should expect that the best friends Michelle has her first year of school, likely won’t be her best friends her final years of school.  Makes sense – people change, you change.

So, what about it readers?  Shall we collectively encourage Michelle to talk about what it means to truly LIVE at school? Openly, honestly? Michelle, you have a chance to tell younger students what to expect.  I promise not to freak out – much.

Ask not what your country can do for you...

Michelle:

The day we had a meeting for the freshman class about the student council, was when I realized it was something that interested me. I wanted to be in a leadership position earlier this time in my high school life. In my middle school, I had run as a representative at the very end, 8^th grade! Luckily I had gotten in. It wasn’t a big position like President or Vice President, or even Secretary, but I liked sharing my ideas. There were to be a few representatives from my grade and every other grade, and of course, a President.

They told us the details, which required us to make a speech in front of my entire grade. I was FRIGHTENED. I had never been good at public speaking (well I didn’t think so.) I went to a class over the summer that taught me how to better my public speaking. For some reason, my teacher thought I was one of the best in his class. I was doing all the right things without knowing I was. I was a natural, but it didn’t mean that I liked to go up and speak in front of a bunch of people. I was scared. I wondered what they would think of me. Of course you had your friends that would vote for you, but what about convincing everyone else?

I thought long and hard about it. I was at the point of giving up. I had heard that SEVERAL people would be running, and I thought for sure I wouldn’t win. I then realized that the point wasn’t necessarily to win. It’s been a long time since I gained the courage to do something that isn’t me. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone for once and take a chance. So what if I didn’t win, it was the step that I’d taken that really mattered. In life there will be steps to make and I wanted to finally have the courage to go down the scary road.

It was then I read the quote below that inspired me:

Michelle:

This weekend we decided to play some tennis and go out for my friend Zack’s birthday! It was a great weekend although it was kind of short because we had an academic Saturday, which was, well… Bleh. It’s as if there was no weekend, but we worked around it.

On the actual day of his birthday, Zack’s friend put balloons and a huge poster in his room (since he’s his best friend we got him to do it since we can’t be in his room.) And since his birthday was on a school day, there was nothing we could really do to celebrate that day, so we waited for the weekend.

On Friday night we went out to Three Rivers cafe within walking distance of my school. It was just the four of us. The food they serve at Three Rivers is great. You can have an old-fashioned burger, or great Italian pasta, or just a simple salad. Those are my favorite dishes while Zack likes the seafood, which I don’t particularly like at all. After dinner, we just hung out at the dorm and watched a movie until it was time to check in at our dorms and go to sleep since the next day was indeed a class day.

In order to arrange the dinner we had to have done all our homework in advance. I know, we are such over achievers! The next day was an academic Saturday so we were in class until about noon, but after school we headed down, this time the five of us, to play some tennis.

One of my other friends is quite the tennis player. He had a lot of skill and had been playing for a long time! Varsity material right there! He taught us some of his skills and gave us tips to help us with our backhand, topspin, and of course serving, which isn’t particularly my strength in tennis. We are all very excited now that the tennis season has begun!

That Sunday was spent sleeping in and not going to breakfast until 11:30, and then relaxing and doing homework. Later on my friend, Maggie, and I decided to watch an episode of psych (I got her hooked.)

It was a packed weekend with all of our activities, but we love spending time with each other and it went by really fast. Before I knew it, we were already into a new week of school!

Dorm room

Michelle:

We recently rearranged our room! For most of the year we had our beds bunked. I personally, have never been a fan of bunk beds. I unfortunately, got the top bunk. Yay? I mean I got used to it after a while but it had its disadvantages…

My room is more of a medium sized room so we didn’t see how we could debunk our beds and still have room for our desk, closet, and dresser. With our beds bunked we had a lot of free space. Unfortunately, my roommate and I are very different, I mean she is messier and I am neat. With so much space I would find her clothes all over the place and it would irritate me. Also, since she had the bottom bed, she had all the extra space under the bed to store things. She bought boxes and put food, shoes, and other trinkets inside. Now that I have that space too, I realize how useful it is because it gives you so much more room for storage. Why hadn’t I realized this before? Who knows.

My preference is to have a neat room. She would have sleepovers in my room every weekend so I learned to stay in my friend’s rooms. Whenever I’d come into my room at some point during weekend it would be so messy. I found it hard to step on GROUND. It was crazy and it really bugged me!

Finally we switched our room around and debunked! YAY! I was so happy and it turned out great. We got some friends to help us. It was five of us moving around everything. At the beginning it looked hopeless and a huge mess had been made! It was my nightmare. After cleaning up and putting everything in order it looked FABULOUS! Our room before had been sort of joined. We were always in each others space and crossing paths. In our new arrangement, our room was more separated by sides. I had mine, she had hers and it was GREAT.

When my friends walked in they said “wow Michelle, you really are clean.” You could see the drastic difference of sides, one messy and one neat. My friends now come to my room more often. They have a bed to sit on and they don’t have to be in a messy area anymore!

iMovie magic

Michelle:

Earlier, in January,  my friend and I decided to make a movie on iMovie…best experience EVER. I had gone to her house for the weekend because she had a second home in the area. She is a boarder from Jamaica! Her mom had come in for the weekend on business, so she invited me to stay the weekend with her.

Of everything we did, making our movie was the best part of it all. We made our music video to the song Party in the U.S.A by Miley Cyrus… (I know what you’re thinking. WOW. Yes we did that song, but it has lots of things you can do with it!) Anyways… we filmed inside and outside since it had just snowed!! We took videos of us sledding down her driveway, which was SO steep! We also swung on the swings, ran around trees, and did cartwheels (well inside.)

I had learned some time ago during a technology class how to use iMovie and I think it is the best application on the Mac! I used to make videos with my friends at home, but I couldn’t believe that when we started making our video, I FORGOT how to do it! I didn’t remember where to slow and speed things up, or how to reverse clips. I was DEVASTATED. After a while searching, I remembered how to do it and it turned out to be a funny and quite interesting video!

When her mom was driving us back to campus she had asked us to transfer the movie to her computer so she could show my friend’s brothers and her dad our video. While we transferred it something happened. We LOST it. It was gone, nowhere to be found. The file had simply disappeared! It wasn’t on my computer anymore and it wasn’t on hers either! The whole project was GONE. We had to start from scratch again that night back at the dorm. We had all the clips, now it was just a matter of putting them back together again, I mean the timing, the reverse, the speeding up clips. It was hard!

In the end we finally finished it, again. We showed it to some of our friends who laughed at us and said we were so ridiculous. Truth is, we are ridiculous, be we had a lot of fun doing it.

Michelle: When people usually hear about boarding schools, they think they are very hard, and it is true, they are. Although, what most people don’t see is the other side to these marvelous schools! Yes, you do work for a whole lot of time, and yes it is a harder environment, and yes you leave home earlier than you thought you would…but with that people stop looking at these schools. They don’t see the other side to life here, and they miss out on a wild experience.

Here at school there are always things to do…BESIDES homework! On weekends we have shuttles out to dinner, huge stores like walmart or target, to shopping malls in the area, and every once in a while to Boston or New York. Weekends are used to catch up on sleep, hang out with your friends, do something fun, and well…. Do your homework. So… it may not have all the opportunities you might have at home, but it is actually a lot of fun! It’s like shopping with your friends at home except there’s no limit on the amount of friends you can have, in fact why not go in a group with your closest friends!

Also, dances are hosted often, I mean very often, so you can head down with your friends and dance to the loud music! Especially when you get a group of freshman down there I mean we take the dance floor and we own it. It’s a lot of fun! A few times a year we have more formal dances where you dress up. The place is decorated, refreshments and snacks are served, we get an awesome DJ, and some people go with their friends and others with a date. It’s a night to have a lot of fun and is usually very memorable (especially since us girls LOVE taking pictures, sometimes too many.)

During the winter, huge groups of people have snowball fights when it snows and it turns out to be a lot of fun. Once, we got literally more than half the freshman class out on the field for a snowball fight that lasted so long. Once I had retired, I could still see the mob from my window. It was so messy! I had to defrost my feet and change into dry clothes! Also, our dorms decided to have an all girls snowball fight outside because it had snowed so much.

These are the kinds of memories that build at boarding school. On more relaxed weekends I would go out to dinner, watch a movie, and sometimes play sports with some friends. Your friends are almost like your family. You build memories together that are unforgettable and very memorable. Boarding school isn’t just about the work, it’s about the LAUGHS, the MEMORIES, the FUN!

Revisit days

Michelle:

First off, congratulations to all who applied to boarding school and got in! It is quite an achievement and something to be proud of! After all your hard work, you finally made it, now comes the “easy part” ( well at least you’re in, right?)

choosing the school.

Most people apply to more than one school and received admission to more than one. Most schools host spring visits where you return to the school’s campus and, well, re-visit. I, for one, did not choose to attend spring visits. I already knew my top choice and that was the one I was going to attend. I mean, I had already gone to the summer program at the school so there was nothing I wasn’t already familiar about, (well at least not that much.)

Choosing a school is hard because you have to think, which school do I want to be attending for the next 4 years of my life? When looking at the schools sometimes it’s useful to take notes, usually after your visit. When you finish visiting the school, discuss with your parents the positive and negative aspects about the school. That way when it comes to deciding, you have all you need. Especially since people usually visit more that one school, it’s easy to forget what you liked or disliked. The process is almost over! You are now reaching the finish line and it is time to get excited about your school! Celebrate! Start looking over the courses you’ll be taking, the things you’ll be learning, and the fun you’ll be having!

On the other hand, maybe you’re having second thoughts about going to boarding school. It may be that you’ll miss your family and friends too much, being away from home is too hard, or you might even be scared to be doing this all alone. Think for a second. You’re not the only one who will be going through this alone, and in fact, you won’t be alone. Your parents are there to guide you every step of the way whether it be through a phone call, or right beside you holding your hand. It is YOUR call, but make sure you make the one that fits YOU. Don’t just do what your parents would want, do something you would want. You don’t want to be trying something that isn’t YOU. The decision is YOURS and make sure you’ve thought it through, because once you’ve made the decision there’s no turning back. You don’t want to regret your choice so sit down, and spend some time alone deciding for yourself, and even sometime talking through it with your parents.

Remember, boarding school isn’t for everyone, but for those who it is for, it is quite an experience.

"click"

Dad:

So I promised a “what you can do while waiting for your decision letters”, and I will say a few words on that in a moment. But first, I wanted to tell you about an unanticipated side effect of sending a daughter off to boarding school…

O.K., so she’s not really crazy.  Michelle’s aunt is a lovely, warm mom to two equally fun boys that grew up nearly inseparable from our daughter.  So, its perfectly understandable then, when we sent our daughter off to boarding school in the fall, that her boys missed Michelle terribly…  And they resented her for going away.  Aunt Liz loved Michelle also – like her own daughter – and resented us sending her away to the northeast and effectively taking her away from her children too.

So, I’M JUST SAYING, it seemed a little crazy to us, when last week Michelle tried to call her aunt to say “hello – I miss you, and am excited about seeing everyone soon, during spring break”. Well, that’s what Michelle was planning on saying, but instead what she heard on the other end of the phone was something like: ring, ring…click(pick up), and click(hang up)…  Really? Maybe it was a bad connection.  Try again: ring…click(pick up), and click(hang up)…

O.K. now the message is clear: Aunt Liz doesn’t want to talk to you, Michelle.  She’s still angry for Michelle leaving for a boarding school. And dare I say, leaving her own two boys behind – going to one of the finest local private high schools – but the one that we rejected as being sub-optimal.  Not sub-standard, mind you – many parents love that school – just not what Michelle wanted.  But nonetheless, you can certainly see a possible consequence of sending your daughter away to boarding school, and leaving some family behind.  Resentment, loss of family connection.

BACK IT UP, Crazy aunt!  I certainly can understand the feelings that you must have. But as grown-up adults, I expected more – ah, ADULT-NESS! (I know that’s not a word – but it should be!). Be happy that your niece has the opportunity that boarding school presents for her.  Be happy that your own two boys have a well-respected local  school option that suits them well – schools don’t define people – your kids may very well turn out to be the Neurosurgeon in the family.  And, be happy that you didn’t have to suffer the pain and doubts of our family as we send our daughter 2000 heart-rending miles away!

Needless to say, a young teen Michelle, feels hurt.  She hasn’t stopped loving her Aunt and cousins.  Sure, she has new friends that she’s included in her life now.  But, be sure that Michelle is absolutely VIBRATING with excitement about coming home in a couple of weeks, and jumping into the arms of her cousins and extended family.

Our advice to Michelle?  This is part of growing up.  Don’t respond tit-for-tat with the silent treatment for Auntie.  Just realize that this is hard for them too, love them when you can, try not to talk about your exciting boarding school life too much, until asked, and make sure you ask THEM all about their lives, challenges and disappointments.  Focus on making THEM feel like they are loved and missed – and I’m fairly certain that they will loosen up, open up, and perhaps wonder a little bit about what has made you such a wonderful, well-balanced, young woman (cough, as much as a 15-year-old is capable of, cough).

Well— there you have it— one drawback to boarding school: possible emotional reactions from extended family.  FOREWARNED!

Now,  “what you can do while waiting for your decision letters”?…

Students, keep working HARD at school (I kid you not). Perhaps it goes without saying, but it certainly is not unheard of that an admissions officer could call your school and have a conversation with a school principal or guidance counselor before deciding to send your admit letter.  And, even later, almost all of them explicitly say in the acceptance letter, that “acceptance can be withdrawn based on final semester grades at your current school” — so, you’ll want to keep up the hard work.

Parents, if you’re hoping for any financial aid, you’ll have completed your Parents Financial Statement (PFS), by now.  And, quite possibly, have completed your taxes for this year – or at least provided a good estimate.  Look for the School and Student Service for Financial Aid (SSS) website for the “Estimated Family Contribution” that they will be providing to the schools.  Remember that it’s the school that HAS the financial aid, and thus the ones who make the ultimate decision.  The Estimated Family Contribution then, is just a starting point for discussion.

Consider, if it’s important to you, sending a preemptive letter to the school outlining your unique personal family situation that makes the SSS recommendation “wrong”.  It worked for us – but remember to be polite, not demanding, and consider well that asking for financial aid CAN make your application somewhat less appealing to the school.  But, if you have confidence that your student applicant is likely highly desired by the schools (see “Five Reasons to Admit”), and if lack of sufficient financial aid is a “deal-breaker”, then I highly recommend starting a dialog with the admissions/financial aid people early on – before they divide up the available financial aid monies.

Crazy Aunts, and a couple of tips for your few remaining anxious weeks before decision letters!   Good luck, and write comments if you can, on how you’re feeling, and any fun “Crazy Aunt” stories you’d like to share with readers!  Oh, parents, did I happen to mention that you have to re-apply for financial aid every year?  Well, you do, and we did again too this year – so perhaps it’s why it’s top-of-mind for us too.  More to come on this topic, for sure.

You’ll be fabulously excited soon – have fun, and TRY TO RELAX!

Michelle:

It snowed here a few days ago a good few inches. It was like a storm of snow because it just wouldn’t stop snowing! Walking from class to class was just brutal. Usually the walk from the dorm to the dining hall isn’t bad at all, but I felt like I was walking a mile just to get there. The winds were high, it was freezing, and not to mention snowing. All you could see were people all hunched over, struggling in the cold to get to their classes.

We ended up making a huge, I mean HUGE snowman. It was hard to get the body and the head on that we had to get some of the stronger boys to help us out. We even accessorized him with a scarf, eyes, arms, a nose, gloves, and a hat! He was really cute so we each took photos with him. We went inside for a while, but after we came out someone had destroyed him and it was very saddening. As the snow starts melting away, his huge bottom remains. We are guessing it will be there for a while.

After we built our snowman, we had a boys vs. girls snowball fight. All of the freshman boys came out of their dorm and we had war. Obviously their snowballs came at high speeds while ours could barely reach them, but it was just for the fun. The craze of snow and what it does to us crazy freshman. In the end, as I was bending down, a snowball coming a thousand miles per hour hit my eye/nose. I couldn’t see for a second and my eye hurt like crazy, but it ended up affecting my nose. It had given me a bloody nose, and we had to go inside to fix it up. It was the end of our adventure, but it was fun while it had lasted.

As Malcolm Gladwell points out in his book: ,Outliers: The Story of Success
“Knowledge of a boy’s IQ is of little use in a formful of clever boys”.  That is to say, super-high intelligence is of little consequence when there are other factors that also contribute to success in life.  Things like being able to get along with others, negotiate and navigate within an organization – whether it be a school, or the workplace later in life.  This sort of thinking applies to success in your school application as well – success is more than high scores and grades.

So what are the main things that admissions officers ask for – and what are they really considering as they make their admissions decisions?

1. Grades

Good grades are the first indication that a student is motivated and able to do the kind of work that the best boarding schools demand.  And not just good grades, but did you take the advanced, or “honors” sections of your middle school courses?  Admissions looks to whether or not you took the toughest courses available, as one indication that you like, and respond well, to a challenge.

Of course, there is another side: We know of one student, locally, that had straight “A’s”, near perfect scores on the SSAT (see next item), and still did not get accepted to a top-tier boarding school.  Anecdotal discussions with other parents revealed that he was a “book-worm”, a bit of a loner, and loved to brag about his high grades. I wonder how he came across in the interview?

2. Test Scores

The SSAT (or sometimes the ISEE) are used to bring some objectivity into the “can the candidate do the work?” question.  A good score, relative to peers, are one indication that the student is likely well prepared for the rigorous challenges of boarding school.

Does a lower score mean certain rejection?  Depends.  If the score falls so low as to be a warning that the individual just doesn’t have the background strength to keep up with classmates, it might mean certain rejection.  And the cut-off is going to be different for different schools.  The top schools may be looking first at candidates that meet other criteria – like that highly recruited basketball player (see extra curriculars) – but will, in the end, be very cautious about bringing in a student that is going to struggle, potentially fail, academically.

On the other hand, don’t fret if your SSAT isn’t the 92nd percentile that you “heard was the average admit at Andover, Exeter, Choate, or wherever…” An average means just that.  There were certainly students admitted with an 89 percentile, probably some with 80th percentile, maybe even some lower than that. Remember, it’s the ENTIRE view of the student’s potential contribution to the school, and the other factors may indicate that the candidate is a much stronger student than the test scores may reveal.

3. Extra Curricular Activities

Do you swim? Are you a strong oboe player? Have you made Eagle scout, or the Girl Scout’s equivalent Gold Award?  The amount of time and effort you have put into something that you are passionate about, says something about you.  Your interests outside of yourself, be it part of a sports team, or a personal passion, means that you know how to manage your time between school and other interests.  And it means you are better rounded, not simply study, study, study – all the time.

I have seen many a boarding school candidate, perhaps on a website like College Confidential ask to be “chanced” (as in, what are my chances to get in?).  They indicate that they are straight “A” students, soccer stars, champion debater, work 100’s of hours at the animal shelter, speak 3 languages, and what do I think?  I wonder “is this 14 year-old for real?”  Great if it’s all true, but be extra careful about “padding” your resume (see Interview, next).

4. The Interview

So the interview is designed to get to know you. To really get to know you. I can predict that in the interview, the interviewer will be digging hard to determine if you really are a great debater…can you put together a coherent interview?  They’ll likely ask what you DID at the animal shelter.  Can you explain a 100 hours worth of work?  If you’re “padding”, and they come to a serious doubt about the veracity of what you say, can you be trusted?

Of course, most 13-14 year olds are simply who they are. The admissions officers will likely respond well to someone who’s likable, who’s outgoing and genuinely interested in the world around them.  It certainly helps if that prospective student has visited the campus ahead of the interview, talked to other current students, and can therefore talk about what they like about the school.  I’ve heard it said by several admissions officers that when it comes to making an “admit” decision, it sometimes comes down to a candidate that may be a little stronger academically, versus one that impressed them with really wanting to go to THIS school, and who could articulate good reasons why. Guess which one is likely to be admitted?

5. Teacher Recommendations

I left this one for last for a reason.  Imagine an “A” student, top SSAT scores, good extracurriculars, a winning smile in the interview, and then – a teacher recommendation that says “ (student) was a strong academically, but sometimes challenging/disruptive in class,  a bit of a loner”.  Do you wonder what the admissions officer might think?  If boarding schools distinguish themselves from other schools by being a residential community of learners – and wanting classes to run smoothly – would you take a risk on someone who his/her current teacher describes as “disruptive” or a “loner”?  Maybe, but you can be sure that there will be some extra probing during the interview, and perhaps even a phone call to the 8th grade teacher to try and find out more.

What can you do to help assure an “admit” decision?  First, recognize that your 7th and 8th grades are important.  Be helpful in the classroom. Turn in extra credit when offered.  Join in discussions, and make your voice heard.  Try to work with your teachers, even if they’re not your favorite. Remember, even in boarding school you’ll have teachers that might be not your favorites, or extremely challenging – how you work with your current teachers is one very good indicator of how you’ll interact with your boarding school teachers.  All the more important in boarding school – where you are expected to quickly take charge of your own education, and learn how to seek out extra help from teachers during “office hours”.

Other considerations:

There are at least two other considerations, that may come into play: Ability to pay, and Diversity.  Let’s take a look at each of these:

Ability to pay –

First announced by some of the most elite colleges, a very few top-tier boarding schools also came out and advertised they are “need blind”.  That is to say, they make their admission decisions first, before they even know if the student has a financial aid need.

But, that was before the 08/09 precipitous drop in the stock market, and thus school endowments that are used to provide financial aid.  Thankfully, some schools have maintained financial aid at previous levels – some have even stepped up aid for current students.

But, as a practical matter, most schools cannot afford to be need-blind. So, if you are applying for financial aid, while applying at most schools, you are likely to have your application viewed separately from those who don’t ask for aid.  That is not to say that full-pay students are automatically admitted either – with sometimes 10 applicants for every spot, they too are going to have to show that they can do the work, are likely to be engaged in their own learning, etc.

Diversity –

Most schools strive to be diverse.  The days of homogeneous student bodies are mostly gone.  We as a society have become more diverse, and as foreign parents have started to appreciate boarding schools as a strong and safe place to prepare for U.S. colleges.  And it has benefits for all – in a world economy, wouldn’t it be great to hear about Chinese culture directly from a Chinese student?

So, schools are striving to be more diverse.  Culturally, geographically, socio-economically.  As long as the school is able to successfully balance the needs for financial aid, and their need to have a student who can do well in a boarding community, they will seek to attract students from other countries, as well as other states within the U.S.  So, if you happen to be a bilingual, Hispanic, Asian, Kenyan, or similar, applicant from New Mexico, take heart – it may help!

So, I guess there’s really more than 5 factors.  And there are certainly other factors that come into play at each school, and for each candidate.  It just goes to show that you can’t control everything. Try to present yourself well with the main factors and hope for the best.  It’s as much art as it is science – there appears to be a significant element of “fortune favors the prepared” involved, and yet there’s also an element of being the right candidate at the right time.  If you’d like to hear a dialog from some top college admissions officers, discussing some of these same points, visit this website – we found it useful last year:http://questions.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/17/qa-college-admissions/

Good luck to all!